Elana, The Squalid Squeen

HP: 9280
Skills: Flame Swathe*, Dark Orb, Dark Hail, Axe Combo*, Teleport, Summon*
Souls: 72000

Difficulty: 3.5/5
Deaths: Slightly less than 10

It's been awhile (been busy lately, especially with f**king "Dark Souls 3"), but we're back with a boss profile post for the first DLC segment of the game. After going through the absolutely obnoxious map of Shulva and heading down Dragon's Rest, we're finally at the first boss of the map, and its none other than this ugly bitch. And you'll get a taste, for the first time, how retarded DLC bosses can be.

Don,t. Don't you DARE summon!

As disgustingly putrid and filthy as she looks, Elana packs a punch no matter what type of character you are playing. Despite being an obvious, caster type boss enemy, Elana is actually much more deadly up close with her enormous axe, so be extremely careful. Otherwise, if you stick to her, you can most likely bash her skull in if you're already adapt at dodging her melee strikes, which can be quite tricky. She can also summon and teleport around like a little bitch, so no matter what, you're in for a tough one.

Flame Swathe* - The exact same variation that you can cast if you have the spell. This spell is freaking ridiculous since for Elana, it appears out of nowhere and the fireball can suddenly just spawn beside you for instant f**king death. Dodge away like the plague when you see it.

Dark Orb - Again, same as the hex that you can use as the player. Dodge if you see it coming, she won't spam this, so its not too bad.

Dark Hail - You know the drill. Just dodge, its just Dark Orb with lesser range and a larger area of effect.

Axe Combo* - She starts swinging her axe when you're up close. She opens up with a horizontal swing most of the time, which covers a massive area. Each swing does massive damage, and she does it up to 3 times. Disgusting, blocking takes almost all your stamina, so dodge and punish.

Teleport - She just turns into black gunk and disappears, then appears elsewhere. 

Summon* - She summons either skeletons, or f**king Velstadt. Prepare your anus.

As you can see, this bitch is no f**king pushover. She's defeatable with some perseverance, but if you're the type to despair easily on your first attempt, this could get bad. Anyway, Elana is a caster oriented boss with some devastating melee attacks, meaning that you'll probably need to grow some balls going up to her for some hits. She has a huge health pool, so take note. Most of the battle simply has her casting simple hex spells that you've been seeing for the entire game, these are relatively easy to dodge, and if you're close enough, you'll get some opportunities for punishing her.

Probably the only spell you'll need to look out for is Flame Swathe. Unlike the normal player's Flame Swathe, Elana's variation appears out of nowhere, and can be right next to you when she casts it, giving you very little room or opportunity to dodge. As always, this spell does an obscene amount of damage, so you won't want to get hit, especially if she has summons running around. Elana will teleport to a different location within the arena if you hit her enough times, so get used to running around like a madman. 

Well....f**k this.

Finally, the ability that Elana is most renowned for...her bloody summon. She can summon 1 of 2 things. First, its 3 skeletons, secondly, its Velstadt. Both are equally bad, and chances are you probably will WANT to kill the summons because the next time she summons again, it WILL stack with the first batch. This is not so bad if she has 3 skeletons, but if she summons Velstadt, chances are you won't have the time to focus him all that much because he's so DAMNED tanky. If you see her summon 3 skeletons, take them out ASAP, if its Velstadt....I recommend you try to ignore him as much as you can and rush the f**k out of Elana.

If Elana summons the skeletons, it'll be extremely hard to dodge her other attacks with them picking on you, so killing them is the way to go. Velstadt on the other hand, is slow and bulky, so he's a lot more manageable around Elana's other attacks. Either way, Elana's defenses aren't fantastic despite having a lot of health, so burst her down quickly for the win. Her summons die when she does, she also drops 72000 souls.


Sinh, The Slumbering Dragon
HP: 10030
Skills: Fire Breath, Arc Breath, Flank Shot*, Standing Fire Breath, Bite, Leg Combo, Tail Swipe, Aireborne Assault*
Souls: 96000

Difficulty: 3.5/5
Deaths: 5

I absolutely hate this battle. A lot of players say that this is the redeeming battle of the first DLC, but I find Sinh to be a massive shitload of RNG that's always not on my side. People say this is a dragon battle done right, but IMO this is still worse than Kalameet, and its actually 10 times more frustrating if Sinh doesn't cooperate with you. Prepare for a long, tough fight, or a fairly moderate one because if Sinh doesn't act like a giant bitch, then he's actually not that f**king hard AT ALL. Just pray to the RNG gods on this one.

Shoo! You f**king gigantic f**k!

Being a dragon, I actually don't quite like this guy, despite me loving the Kalameet fight in the first "Dark Souls". There just aren't many good dragon fights in this game...this was supposed to be it, but I freaking loathe this fight, because of how draggy it is. Sinh has a MASSIVE arsenal of attacks, I mean, its not joke how this guy just throws a different move at you every 5 seconds. Anyway, here they are. Also note that most, if not all of Sinh's breath attacks cause toxic buildup. 

Fire Breath - A straightforward breath of fire forward. Easy to dodge and predict, so there's not much to do here but to move away.

Arc Breath - He breaths fire and moves his head in an arc pattern. Just run the other way, loop around and hit him.

Flank Shot* - Probably the only attack on the ground you need to look out for. He jumps up and shoots a fire ball at his flank at quick speed. Very hard to react to, especially if you're mid-swing. Just dodge as fast as you can out of the way.

Standing Fire Breath - He stands on his hind legs and breaths a massive AOE of fire right in front of him. Run the hell away or just sprint to his back when you see this one.

Bite - A simple lunge attack that can be dodged or blocked with ease.

Leg Combo - He has a variety of attack variations with his legs, he can swipe once, twice, or even 3 times, sometimes even mixing a tail whip in there if he feels like it. These are usually simple to dodge as he has an easy rhythm to predict if he decides to combo, but a mistake can be lethal.

Tail Swipe - He turns 360 in an incredibly fast motion and attempts to flail at you with his tail. Easily blocked, but otherwise, this is a fast attack and may catch you off guard.

Airborne Assault* - Aka bullshit mode. He has a variety of attacks while airborne, and he's completely invulnerable in this mode. He can shoot singular fireballs, lay forth an airborne carpet of poison fire, or simply just bullshit dive you for unblockable damage. He can stay in the air as long as he wants until he decides to show mercy and land.

Despite his ridiculous aresnal, Sinh is a much slower and less deadly dragon than Kalameet on the land. His moves are usually quite predictable and are easy to dodge with proper timing. Most of his grounded attacks are heavily telegraphed and his breath moves are easy to punish. He likes to move around and cover a lot of distance, but if you maintain a suitable amount of space between you and him, its actually easy to sprint behind or next to the beast in the middle of one of his breath attacks. Hitting his flank is the best since you're safe from almost all of his attacks except for his Flank Shot and Tail Swipe.

You'll want to get underneath the belly of Sinh and hit his legs. You will only be vulnerable to the 2 said attacks up above. His Flank Shot will be likely to hit you because of its insane speed, but it shouldn't be too bad outside of the toxic buildup. He'll likely retaliate with leg swipe combos that can be easily dodged and countered. Afterward, he will run around to build distance and use another breath attack again. If he keeps doing this, its easy game.

Monster hunter time!

Of course, its not so f**king simple. As a dragon, Sinh likes to take to the air. While flying, the dude is invulnerable, as you'd think, but unlike Kalameet who goes up only for a simple fire attack before flying back down, this f**k has plenty of aerial attacks. Meaning he likes to stay up there and use ALL of his attacks, maybe even repeating some of them, before he comes down. Meaning, you'd be standing there, staring at this dumbass as he dumps attacks on you all day without giving you a chance to so much as HIT the bastard even ONCE...UNTIL he decides to SWOOP down, take out a third of your HP, then land at the opposite side of the map.

Seriously, there is no counter to this. If the bitch spams his flight mode, you are done. You'll just chunk estus over and over as he stays up there doing his usual shenanigans without you making any dents in his HP pool. If he doesn't use this, all the more power to you, this boss is pretty much just a slightly supe-d up Guardian Dragon. If he spams fly, you're in for a rough ride. Either way, you can cut off his tail, but that won't amount to much. Beating him nets you 96000 souls.


Afflicted Graverobber, Ancient Soldier Varg, Cerah The Old Explorer
HP: 3350/3310/2540
Souls: 60000 

Difficulty: 3/5
Deaths: 2

In my opinion, the seller fight of the first DLC. After struggling through that passage filled with a shit load of enemies you wouldn't bother killing, you are greeted by one of the laziest designed fights in the game. I say that, but I enjoyed this fight SO f**king much, even though its pretty much just battling against 3 overpowered NPCs with an awesome BGM playing. As many youtube comments mentioned, its like the developers got ganked too much in PVP and decided to f**king put a gank squad as one of the boss battles in the game. Genius, f**king genius.

You gotta take'em out 1 by 1.

Since its basically just a battle against 3 NPC dudes (actually, the graverobber is female, she emits the female damage sound when hit), I won't be going through any of their attacks. They can do what you can, except that they have a godly amount of HP each and they have a shit load of poise. Like all NPC gank battles, you won't be able to realistically take them all out at once, the proper way to win would be to single them out and then take them out 1 by 1. Sounds simple, but it can be quite a long and daunting battle because of how aggressively their AIs are programmed. These assholes show NO MERCY, and if you going into this fight alone (as you should), don't expect an easy as a battle as you would against normal NPC enemies.

As you enter the fog, the Graverobber and Varg will immediately charge you like madmen, do NOT stand and fight, as Cerah will be far away, taking pot shots at you with his Dragonslayer Greatbow. Needless to say, if you engage the Graverobber and Varg together in close quarters combat with Cerah will alive and far away, you will die, quickly. The order in which these 3 should be killed is quite obvious when you compare their stats and HP values. Cerah first, the Graverobber second, and of course, we'll leave the Havel monster Varg for last, as there is simply NO point in killing that tanky son of a bitch first.

The threat of having to die in this fight is as real as any other boss fight despite it just being 3 NPCs. Varg can easily one shot you in NG+ with his insanely high damaging Dragon Tooth attacks, and the Graverobber can quickly inflict bleed on you in just a few hits. Up close, Cerah's Estoc can stunlock you to death VERY quickly, so there's that to worry about. The Graverobber and Varg also have an insane, game-breaking amount of poise, meaning that you'll need to take pot shots at them like other bosses instead of trying to stun them like you would against other NPCs or players.

Get that bitch!

Use the map to your advantage. The Graverobber and Varg will chase after you endlessly like starved wolves, but Cerah won't. He'll mostly just sit still, firing arrows at you. Take the 2 melee meat heads on a tour around the map, sprinting all the way. When you've lost them for a few seconds, take the time to get to Cerah and hit him a few times, as he's isolated from the group. DO NOT GET GREEDY, as Cerah can fight back with Estoc, either that or the other 2 faggots will be RIGHT BEHIND you as you get greedy hitting Cerah. Rinse and repeat until Cerah is dead, he's the squishiest member of the trio, so this shouldn't take long. 

With him out of the way, now comes the tough part. You won't be able to separate the Graverobber and Varg well, so you'll to engage them right now. With Cerah out of the picture, its a lot easier. The Graverobber attacks fast while Varg is slow, focus your attacks on the Graverobber first. Again, juke around using the environment, take pot shots at the Graverobber until she goes down. She's rather tanky, but you should have no problems if you hit and roll like a bitch.

Finally, we have Varg. Honestly, at this point, its a battle of patience. Of the 3, Varg is easily the most powerful, with his insane Dragon Tooth damage, immaculate poise, and scumbag healing. Yes, this bastard is the only one out of the trio to chunk estus flasks in the battle, despite wearing the best armor and being the most durable. Now its simply just a one on one NPC battle, though Varg will very likely kill you in a single hit if you are not full HP. Play like a pussy and play it VERY safe, heal to full if you are hit, and you'll eventually kill this asshole when he runs out of estus. You get 60000 souls for killing the trio.